Of all the features on Fetlife, I find Group the most frustrating. Posts on Fetlife groups are often negative, blaming, shaming and unhelpful. Sadly, Groups are also the place that many new people find themselves first, as they dip their toes in the kinky waters, they read and ask questions …
Borderline and Co-Dependency in the Scene: Part 5 - Origins and Patterns of Borderline and Codependency
The BDSM community provides an amazing opportunity to have your needs fulfilled and your deepest wishes and fantasies come true. In coming to grips with my past, I've found that there has been a pattern of dating people who I later learned had Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I myself …
Borderline and Co-Dependency in the Scene: Part 4 - Stages of a BPD/Codepdendent Relationship
In the [previous post][http://vircotto.com/borderline-and-co-dependency-in-the-scene-part-3-warning-signs-in-your-partner.html] on this topic, I discussed the patterns that one sees in a relationship with a Borderline, starting from the initial period of euphoria, and leading to destructive patterns that I outlined in parts two and three. In this post, I'll discuss …
I'm not a professional - Don't treat me like one
I had an experience today that has really effected me.
I did a bit of online pickup play. I let people know I'd be in a different city and asked if anyone wanted to have coffee. A bottom asked me if I'd be up for play. I thought "Why not …
Entitelement isn't just for cis male doms
If I had a nickel for every cis het male message on fet to a woman that presumes entitlement culture, I'm sure I could buy everyone a round of drinks.
Usually we hear about cis het males feeling entitled to someone's submission.
When I ran my sex chat website, I …
Musician For One
Being in the vanilla dating world is hard. Even when a partner is kinky, there is a huge bridge to gap when it comes to discussing play.
People who choose me for dating do so partially on the grounds that I'm kinky, and that I'm good at what I do …
Twue Subs
For all the talk online about "true doms" I thought I'd mention a situation I've found myself in when I partake in vanilla dating- that is dating people from the vanilla world, and how much it sucks.
We talk about kink and they like the fact I'm dominant. They're submissive …
Borderline and Co-Dependency in the Scene: Part 3 - Warning Signs in Your Partner
In this multi-part series of posts, I'm bringing my personal experience and research to bear to show what an unhealthy relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder looks like, as well as then provide resources for improving the situation.
In my [first posting][https://fetlife.com/users/4718001/posts/4099900 …
Borderline and Co-Dependency in the Scene: Part 2 - Warning Signs in Yourself
There are many bad relationships in the BDSM community that are toxic, but are masked as D/s relationships. In this multi-part series of posts, I'm bringing my experience and research to bear to show what an unhealthy relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder looks like, as well as …
Borderline and Co-Dependency in the Scene: Part 1 - The Appeal of a Borderline Partner
Introduction
This is by far the most personal piece of writing I've done. In direct connection to the post I made a few months back about how I came to realize that several of my ex's had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Starting with her, I began to document the aspects …