Being in the vanilla dating world is hard. Even when a partner is kinky, there is a huge bridge to gap when it comes to discussing play.
People who choose me for dating do so partially on the grounds that I'm kinky, and that I'm good at what I do I'm not just a casual player who bought some toys- I've taken classes and practiced, I've joined groups and studied and even taught. I've made my kink into an area of excellence.
I'm like a musician who has practiced and become proficient at their instrument and gains a few fans, and then meets someone who tells me, "I want you to play only for me..."