Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

I'm not a professional - Don't treat me like one

I had an experience today that has really effected me.

I did a bit of online pickup play. I let people know I'd be in a different city and asked if anyone wanted to have coffee. A bottom asked me if I'd be up for play. I thought "Why not?" and began negotiation. We talked and negotiated online, negotiated on the phone, met in a neutral place, and she came back to my hotel room, talked and negotiated more, and we played, off and on for almost four hours. Since I didn't know her well, these are mostly low key scenes (though one did seem to effect her emotionally), and we took a longer break.

Because of that, I decided to give her a bit of a relaxing massage as a form of aftercare, leaving her and me in a nice place.

To protect her privacy, I won't mention what the the scene was, but her wording was "Since I likely won't see you again, I must insist that you do the _____ scene we talked about."

I was done. Not interested in play any more.

I declined and told her I was done. She apologized for using the word 'must insist' but then asked again.

Again no, explaining that I was done.

She then asked for another scene.


And by now I was annoyed. After realizing that she wasn't going to get what she wanted out of me, she basically quickly got her things and left, despite my offer to grab some dinner, etc.

This is the second pickup play partner I've had where they insist on this or that, and then become upset if you say no.

I am not a professional kinkster. There are wonderful folks, if that's your thing- I can even recommend some. But if you're playing with me, I'm going to only go as far as I'm interested in. My skills have value, and I'm sharing them freely with you. If you want more, then find a way to play with me again, or find someone else, but if you get a reputation for being greedy and uncaring about the top, tops will be less likely to play with you.