As a dominant cis het man in the scene, I've had to accept a long time ago that there are spaces that I'm not allowed in. Some exclude me because I'm dominant, some exclude me because I'm white, some exclude me because I'm cis male. I had to throw away …

My genetic origin is Central European. Specifically, I'm an Ashkenazi Jew. That means that while some people would see me and think "There's a white guy", but in actuality I know that others look at me and think "There's a Jew". I know because it's happened to me. I've experienced …

Everyone can do their kink the way they want to but one of my hard limits is the unwelcome threesome- that is when someone suggests to me that if I want to play (or sometimes even talk) with them, that I need to go ask a third party.

I don't …

Everyone talks about the jealousy that comes with poly. Seeing your partner happy is difficult, but everyone warns you about it. The other part is seeing your partner sad because of a breakup.

And when that happens- so many feels. You feel bad for them, sympathy. You seem the emptiness …

Kink is very therapeutic on a number of levels. There is a term "Touch hunger" that refers to the physical need for physical contact. Our Western society dictates that we only get this need met in a very narrow set of criteria, particularly for heterosexual men for whom sex is …

When I ran a sex chat website, I would be asked about BDSM from curious folks, especially women. Recently one of my former chatters came to me and asked about BDSM, what it was about and whether it was something she was looking for in her life. I answered her …

You're a dominant who is looking for a submissive, either someone to play with as a top, or maybe as a long term relationship. And you've decided to make a posting online.

If you're a subby (or switchy) person looking for a similar guide for submissives, check out my "An …

Pickup play is a term the BDSM community uses for playing with someone you barely know, maybe someone you met at a party a few minutes earlier. With dating ads or online postings, it can be hard to know how to know who is "the real deal".

So you've decided …

More than once in the scene, I've heard people refer to vanilla folks as "muggles". Fuck that noise.

I understand how we feel. The scene isn't just about kink, many of us are nerds, geeks and weirdos. We don't conform to society's ideas of sex, relationships or gender. Even before …

There is a common occurrence in the BDSM community, which is the conflation between dominance and superiority.

It usually goes along the lines of "I am superior to others because of some attribute, such as my gender, race or physical attribute."

I think this kind of play is incredibly hot …