Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

Why I can't join you at a club

The more time I spend with the community, the more prominence that public play and clubs are in the minds of folks, which ultimately leads to the question of "Vir, why don't you play at the clubs?

I have a set of neurological impairments, but the relevant one here is a set of difficulties around auditory processing. Basically what that means is that my hearing is fine, but I can't generally understand what people are saying unless I can see them, or unless there are no other distracting noises.

Noises like a crowded street or restaurant are not only difficult for me, but can actually be physically painful. On the streets of NYC, I walk around with noise dampening headphones in, not so I can listen to music, but to keep the noise out.

Going to a crowded bar for a munch will leave me drained for a day, but going to a club is downright impossible.

It'd be too much noise and too many people.

I'm not the only one, either. A community of this size is bound to have people with various various neurological divergence, including sensory processing issues such as those found in the learning disabled or autistic folks, who are, intentionally or not, unable to participate in most or all public play.

I'm not on any soapbox. I have no agenda and I'm not calling for any specific reform- I just hope that if you're reading this, you realize that if you find me at a public event and I seem like I'm in a bad mood or I'm gruff- consider that I might be be in physical or mental discomfort, and maybe cut me and my ilk some slack.


Since this post, I've been to several parties, and what I can tell you is that the loudness isn't as much of an issue as I was concerned about (munches are often louder) but staying out late sure is.