Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

This pie is too small to cut up

I've seen a very sad trend in the NYC kink community, and that's taking a small pie and cutting it up into smaller, segregated pieces.

Let's be frank for a moment: We're a tiny minority group.

I think that if you count all the regulars in NYC, you're really only talking about maybe 200 people who regularly attend kink events in the city. There are more that float in and float out, but really 200 regulars are the core of the BDSM community in a city of over eight million people.

With such a tiny group, you'd think we'd be in full support of one another, supporting everything that goes on- but instead, there's a growing trend of undermining each other, speaking ill of others who are just trying to make it in the scene.

This is especially difficult when we're talking about volunteer, rather than commercial organizations. There are people who make a living off organizing kink events- and they're awesome and I'm glad that they exist. But I'm also even more glad that volunteer organizations exist, helping spread kink opportunities, doing outreach, providing a welcoming community to everyone.

Are all organizations perfect? No. I think we all have frustrations, angers and even outrages that we feel about the scene. But when we go negative, it doesn't just hurt the target, it hurts us too. If we spread rumors and negativity, we're sending out a greater message that rumor mongering and negativity is normal and acceptable.

Especially now, in our current political climate where people who are against us feel so empowered, now is the time to turn away from our personal disagreements, put aside our differences and do our best to work together to create a supportive community for everyone.

Please folks, in this time when we're all threatened, let's remember that we're all in this thing together.