I think all of us know the experience of a small community. Maybe we were in a club in High School, or an online forum or some other world. We know the dangers of dating within that group, of the awkwardness of having dated someone in that community, and then returning to it.

Frankly, oftentimes that kind of event will cause you to to change your online forum, maybe join a new club and bring some distance.

But then there's "The Scene". If we want to do BDSM, there's not a whole lot of other places we can go. We're a tiny minority. I live in New York City with a population of about 8 million. The Eulenspiegal Society has about 600 members. If we pad that by another 200 people (for TNG and other groups in the city) to 800, that's still only 1 in every 10,000 people!

If you break up with someone from the Chess Club, you might see them play chess with someone else, but you're far less likely to see their naked body being tied, fondled, kissed or spanked. But here, that's entirely natural. It's part of the deal with being someone who explores their intimacy publicly.

Being part of the community requires more than enjoying kinky fun. It requires introspection and difficult boundary exploration and examination.

I don't always get it it right... but I'm trying...