On the very next day of the best munch I've been to, I attended the worst munch I've been to.

Apologies to the munch organizer if this particular night was not representative of the usual crowd, but it was quite bad.

A majority of the attendees were men in their 40s/50s, recently divorced and this was their first munch. They'd been to other kinky events, but were clearly new to the scene, and it seemed they were mostly interested in getting laid.

I tried to give them my limited experience from being on the scene a few months in NYC, when one of the attendees who claimed to have been part of the scene for 20+ years told me that quote "The problem is that at too many events, people are just tying each other up and beating at each other. There's no sex!"

The general consensus was that there were too few women at the events the men attended.

I brought up my experiences with aftercare and the experienced folks there argued about how there was basically only one way to do aftercare (cuddling, etc.) and found my suggestion that some people might want something different strange. I brought up negotiating aftercare and my experiences with that and one of the attendees even had the gaul to say "She [the bottom] topped you!" . I hadn't been aware that it was possible to top someone during negotiation, and especially not in a negotiation about aftercare- but I guess I'll have to take their word for it!

Also, new people to the scene... If you want to post a photo of your penis as your profile pic, of course you're free to do so, but firstly, realize that most women won't be very impressed, many men won't be very impressed, and that both of these will be true if your penis is not very impressive. And if this is your public face, then you may actively be encouraging women not to attend events you attend.

This experience reminded me of how very spoiled I am to be in NYC's scene, which has been nothing but extremely positive.