I love online roleplayers. I don't just love them, I run a playground for them to play in, nd I do it because I love them.

But sometimes the online folks are the most confused. They want the most hardcore experiences. They don't just want a gangbang, they want to be covered in bodily fluids. They don't just want to be humiliated, they want to be degraded. They don't just want rape play, they want to be left bloody and beaten.

Where things get confusing is when they tell me "Oh I would do this in real life. I want to do this in real life", and I start to talk to them about the steps they need to take. I talk about going to local events, finding munches, exploring themselves.

And it's right about here that they bail, usually not telling me why. It's here that they tell me "Oh, this would be too much for me" (ie their own fantasies scare them) or "I'd be outed" (a legitimate concern, but build on presumptions that can bear some testing). My favorite excuse, though, is "You don't sound like you'd be hardcore enough".

They may be right in that I don't often engage in the more "hardcore" aspects of BDSM. It's rare that I'll use my impact toys to the point of deep black and blue. I don't do needles and I don't engage in edgeplay. They're not my thing. But when I see someone new to BDSM insist that the only form of play they'd want is one that involves these intense experiences, without talking about either starting slowly or trying other events like going to a munch, I wonder if the experience they're looking for is always going to be just out of reach, and just an excuse to drive themselves back in the closet and have another intense scene that would be hard to pull off in real life.