On the sex chat website I run, a common word people use is "naughty". People want to talk about "naughty" fantasies, or "dirty thoughts", and I realized recently that since I've been in the BDSM community, I've lost that. There's no more "naughty" in my life, just things I'm into and things I'm not.

The things that appeal to me appeal to me because they're hot. I do bondage because it's hot, but it's not "naughty", spanking a pretty bottom with my bare hand, or with a paddle doesn't evoke "dirty" to me, just excitement, and even when I'm watching scenes which push all my kinky buttons, I no longer get any charge out of them being naughty or forbidden, because they're not.

Instead, there are just things I'm into and things I'm not- things I've tried or want to try, and things that I understand others are into, but that I'm not, or at least don't currently hold any appeal.

Sometimes I wonder if I've lost something- that feeling of forbidden fruit has an appeal of its own, which I've lost. But in return, I've gained an acceptance of myself and others that I could not have conceived of. And that on its own is pretty hot.