Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

Subs need doms

It's taken me years to realize that subs need doms, but I finally get it.

Let me be clear- I'm not talking about bottoming for a scene or other fun times. Similarly, I'm not saying that this assertion applies to all submissives, or submissives in every setting- but for the first time in my life, I realized today just how much my work as a dominant is needed in a submissive's life, for providing clarity, calm and direction.

Every relationship is different, but for me, a power exchange relationship involves more writing than spanking, more talking than choking, and more introspection than rope. This applies to all aspects of life, from romance to sex to career and family.

I always considered this to be part of my domly duties, but possibly superfluous, until today when I realized that this structure and these tools are a core part of what makes a relationship fulfilling as a sub. They help and clarity on the future, and a roadmap to getting there.

These tools are more than sex, more than kink- they're life. And now that I understand the true impact and importance they can hold, they're not just my pleasure to do, they're my privilege.