Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

One year kink anniversary

It's been one year since I joined the kink scene, and what a year it's been.

I have to admit, I've been thinking about what I'd write about this anniversary for a few weeks. What would I focus on, especially in light of my already having written about my experiences with accepting myself, going to kink classes, going to munches, attending a BDSM club, and even the deep introspection of the community. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the community and how different it was than I expected, and I spend time talking about myself and what I've confronted about myself and my preconceived notions about kink and the community around it.

So on my one year anniversary, I'm going to reflect on myself and how I've changed.

When I came into the community, I didn't really know what to expect. I felt a bit like a refugee, having known that I was kinky but never really being able to admit it. I felt like I had nowhere else to go. Joining the kink community was exciting, but it felt at the time like I was being forced to go. I feel like this single act, of attending a single class just over a year ago, was one of the most important decisions of my entire life.

I am a different person than I was. I am happier, calmer, more secure in myself, more accepting of others. I will not say that the BDSM community is all sunshine and rainbows, but I will say that the people I have met and consider friends in this community feel as close to me as friends that I've known for decades, and that I'm continually in awe of what I see around me, the outpouring of love and caring. I feel that love around me, and even today, when I'm still very shy, I feel part of something larger and greater, and privileged to be a part.

I've gained so much knowledge in how to be a better top, a better dom, and just plain a better person I've found people who understand me, who understand my geekdom, my passions and my deep love of understanding and connecting with others. I'm happier than I've ever been and in return, I feel like the world around me has reflected this joy with more opportunities for happiness, and the opportunities to give back.

And so I've started to. I've volunteered with TES, I've applied to start teaching classes at various venues, and I'm training to DM. All of this is in hopes that I can show my appreciation to those around me, and to give back some of what I've received.

To those of you Fet members who are my friends in real life- I want to thank you the most. Each and every one of you has taught me something. Each and every one of you is special to me. Each and every one of you has helped shape me and made me a better man. You all mean the world to me.

This was my first year in kink, and I'm looking forward to many more.