Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

If the kink relationship seems too good to be true, it probably is

When I first met some of the people who are now accused of abuse, I thought they had the kink relationship of my dreams. They had multiple slaves working long hard hours, devoted to them, playing with them, handing over power and authority to them, encouraging their dreams and helping them meet new, exciting partners.

"Wow! A dream come alive!", I thought! And even though I never wanted certain elements of these relationships, I wanted to learn as much as I could to get something of the impossible dream.

I'd forgotten the old adage that if something is too good to be true, it probably is. What looked like a dream was a nightmare for these same sub/bottoms.

All of us, but especially us dommy folk, want to project that our lives are out of a novel. We want our subs to believe we are a pillar of strength, and we want the public to believe we have it all. But that's just not true, for anyone.

It's time to start being honest about relationships.

Even the most Mastery master is going to have bad days.

Any relationship where two people deeply love and care for one another is going to have some level of conflict.

Sometimes doms can be wrong, and do stupid things.

Sometimes it's okay that subs help their doms point out mistakes their doms make.

Unquestioning, immediate compliance is hot in theory, but in reality is abuse.

TPE when your slave only visits you one hour a week is easier than a relationship in which your sub/slave/whatever shares your home and is the one you go to sleep with and wake up next to.

Love makes everything complicated.

Humility isn't just for subs.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.