Vir Cotto's BDSM Blog

Consent violations aren't sexy

I was recently on the receiving end of a consent violation that resulted in a small injury. I've chosen not to discuss the incident in detail, but what has shocked me is the response that I have received from some members of the community around my injury.

I explicitly told the other person that I am not a masochist, and despite that, was hurt. But when I've told people about my injury, I've heard "Ohh, sexy!" on more than one occasion. That is even after I told them that this was the result of a consent violation.

This is not acceptable. While a purposeful, consensual injury can be sexy, under the right context, but outside of that context, an injury is not sexy, and injuries due to a consent violation are not sexy.

The kink world is proud of displayed bruises, rope burn and scars, but these are only sexy within the context of a consensual act by those who enjoy them. Outside of that, they're injuries.

If someone tells you that they were hurt in a consent violation, don't tell that their injury is sexy. Just don't.