My wonderful partner recently told me about a fantasy she had, one she's been too embarrassed to tell me about. I, in turn, told her about a fantasy I'd been having.

My heart was in my throat when I told her mine, and I know she was equally nervous telling hers. It's vulnerable to share your deepest fantasies, even when you're a kinkster, and even when you're in a relationship with another kinkster.

There's always the risk of squicking out your partner, of wanting to do something with them that they don't want to do, and saying that one thing that will convince them that you're genuinely "sick" or "fucked up" and not in a good way.

We kinksters revel in our kinks, but deep down, many of us still have feelings of guilt or shame associated with our desires. It can be easy to talk about skills and activities, but deep desires can and often are a whole other matter. They're the really vulnerable parts of us.

I've had my fantasies rebuked, told I was a terrible person for having them. I've also had my fantasies embraced, and told were hot. I've lived out many of my fantasies too, made them real and manifest.

It doesn't matter. They still have the power to put a lump in my throat and make me break out in a cold sweat.

I'm just incredibly lucky to have a partner who is on the same wavelength.